


(Fire) Element of Surprise

by perniciousLizard



Series: Fired Up and Bone Weary [13]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Post-Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:19:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6729469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perniciousLizard/pseuds/perniciousLizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Papyrus and Grillby team up to get Sans to the monster tailor to get properly measured for a suit.  Sans takes his time getting revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sans

“i think they call this an ambush,” Sans said.  He settled himself comfortably in the backseat of Papyrus’ car.  

“BROTHER. I HAVE ATTEMPTED REASON, BRIBERY, AND TRICKERY.  YOU HAVE LEFT ME NO CHOICE.”

“yeah ok but bringing the bf into it is kinda low.”

“GRILLBY VOLUNTEERED!”  

“…”  Grillby started to say something, give an explanation, but let the attempt fizzle out.  

“yeah, thank you too, pal.”  

Grillby’s arm was over Sans’ shoulders, trapping him in place by being affectionate and comfortable.

“i said i’d go,” Sans said.  His voice sounded a little petulant, even to himself.  Of course he’d had no plans to actually go.  

“YES, BUT YOU LIED!  BECAUSE MY OWN BROTHER, WHO IS SOMEHOW RELATED TO THE EVER-HONEST AND PURE OF HEART PAPYRUS, IS A HUGE LIAR!”  Papyrus diligently checked his blind spot and switched lanes.  Sans had been so proud when Papyrus got his license, and now it was being used to betray him.  "YES.  A VERY SMALL, ENORMOUS LIAR!  …LIKE THE LIES ARE SOMEHOW CONDENSED INSIDE YOU?  MAYBE THAT EXPLAINS IT?"

"…you missed the first appointment," Grillby pointed out.

"i forgot.”

“AND THE SECOND SECRET ONE WE DID NOT TELL YOU ABOUT SO YOU WOULD NOT BE CONVENIENTLY BUSY ELSEWHERE!”  

“somehow i forgot the one you didn’t tell me about, too.”

As soon as Sans had seen his brother’s car parked outside Grillby's, he'd known what was up.  

He’d been suspicious as soon as Grillby said “Sans” and gestured at the door, but he’d let his mild curiosity get the best of him.    

“grillb,” Sans had said.  He felt Grillby’s warm hand on his shoulder bone.  "i got a bone to pick with you.“  He wasted a little of his escape time laughing at his own joke.

"QUICK!”  Papyrus rolled down the window.  "USE YOUR WILES!“  He covered his eyes with both of his hands, just to make sure he didn’t witness a single wile used against his brother.  

Oh no.  Oh _no_.  This was _hilarious_.  He had to stick around and see where this was going.  "all right.”  He strained his neck looking up at Grillby.  "let’s see ‘em."

Grillby gently kissed his forehead.  "…we don’t want to be late."  He started towards the car, his hand still gently on Sans’ shoulder.

He wasn’t sure if Grillby was bad at wiles or really good at 'em, since he was letting himself be towed along.  "wait.  you’re skipping work for this?”

“…yes.”  Grillby opened the car door for him and Sans climbed in.  

“wow. i’m disappointed in you, grillbz.  no one has any work ethic these days.”  

“…yes.”

“or. wait.  this a thing with you?”  

“…” Grillby put his arm around Sans’ shoulders and closed the door. Papyrus started driving. “………yes.”

“AUGH! I CAN’T COVER MY EARS WHEN I AM DRIVING!”  

Sans snorted.  "oh.  ok.“  He patted Grillby on the leg.  "but you know what they call this?”  

After a short drive, they pulled up in front of a small brick building. Its bright neon sign simply read “Monster Tailor” with a stylized needle and thread design.  

“EVERYONE MUST LOOK BEAUTIFUL FOR THE WEDDING!” Papyrus said, as he climbed out of the car.  

“ok.” This was his chance.  He would just get confused on the ten foot walk from the car to the building, take a wrong turn, and get himself lost.  

Grillby was flickering excitedly.  Sans had been kidding about the fancy clothes thing being _a thing,_ but it looked like he’d hit the nail on the head.  

Grillby in a good mood was pretty dangerous.  He was bright as sunshine and there was some more smooching and then Sans was dazed and outside the car.  

“…thank you for putting up with this,” Grillby said.  He finally let go, so he could clasp his hands together.  "……you will be very handsome, for their wedding."  

Sneaking off now would be like kicking a puppy.  Grillby would get dim and burn a little lower and he would sound stilted later on when he was pretending not to be annoyed.  

"ok.”  Sans shoved his hands in his pockets.  "fine.“  He could already imagine how tight the collar was going to feel.  

Grillby was _beaming_ as they went inside the tailor’s together.  


	2. Papyrus

“all right, _hot stuff_ \--" Sans broke off to snicker "--how about we take a trip down memory lane.”  He walked his fingers across the bar counter.  

“Did you drink before you came here?” Grillby asked.  It wasn’t a busy night, for once, so he leaned in, his elbow resting on the counter.  

“hey. that hits _close to the bone_ ,” Sans said.  "but, nah."  He held up a single finger.  "ok, one.  remember how there’s a weird stain on the ceiling, and you think you’ve got a roof leak?  and how you keep putting off dealing with it because you’ll have to close up for a little while to get it fixed?”

“…” Of course he remembered.  

Sans held up two fingers.  "ok.  that was an easy one.  next stop.  remember that time you and bro abducted me and made me pick out a suit?" 

Oh dear.  Grillby realized that the conversation might have a point to it, and not be drunken rambling.  "…"

Three fingers.  "ok.  remember the tape measure, grillbz?  i remember it.  and remember what i said to you, when you came over?”

Sans had been grinning so tightly Grillby thought he would tear his skull in half.   _pretty funny, huh, grillbz,_ he’d said. _hope you don’t think you aren’t gonna pay for this_ _just cause i like you_ _._

Grillby had been in a very pleasant mood, and had made a joke about paying for the fitting.  

“…”

He ticked up another finger.  "ok.  we’re on the home stretch now. remember those times i said you needed some time off but you couldn’t spare any?"  

The pieces clicked together.  "Sans.”  

Five fingers.  He waved his hand in Grillby’s face.  "ok.  and remember that time i joked about paps going on vacation and he said he’d never take a vacation for any reason, and how he’s even more responsible for what you two did to me?"  

Grillby had to admit, he was enjoying the drama.  "So whenever I get the roof fixed, we’re going on vacation.  We are, and…Papyrus.”  

“yeah, bro’s not negotiable.  he actually really needs one and has for…his entire life, probably.  it’s not whenever, by the way.  it’s all arranged.  got some guys to come over and look at the roof, and at whatever’s going on in the bathroom.”  

He pushed Sans’ hand back down onto the counter.  "…that was a lot of effort, on your part.“

"yeah i made like three phone calls.  i think i’ll need a whole vacation to recover.  hey, lucky me.  now that we’re done with this trip down memory lane, i get to go on a real one.”  He took a long drink from his ketchup bottle.  

Grillby laughed.   Sans winked at him.  

“Well, I don’t have a problem with it, I guess, so long as it isn’t a cruise,” Grillby said.  "I have no idea how you’re going to convince your brother, though."  

"already cleared it with his boss.”

“Papyrus…agreed?”

“didn’t ask.”  

“When are you going to ask?”

“after we get there,” Sans said.  

“That seems…”

“i see how it is,” Sans leaned back, crossing his arms.  "when it’s what i don’t want to do, kidnapping’s on the table.  but, when it’s papyrus, well–-" he winked. "well, i guess he is pretty special.  i can’t blame you.”  

“It’s possible I don’t want to listen to him complain the whole time,” Grillby said. 

“nah, don’t worry about it.  it’ll work itself out.”  

“…”

“i’m empty,” Sans said, tapping the side of his bottle.

“…” Grillby retrieved him another one and left to take out some garbage. Should he warn Papyrus?  He got out his phone and typed a message. He reread it a few times, and then deleted it.  Papyrus could use some time off, just glancing over some old texts from him.  

Grillby went back inside.  "How much should I pack?“  

 

–-

 

"hey, bro, hold this a sec.”

“FINE!  PAPYRUS CAN HOLD YOUR SUITCASE FOR LONGER THAN A SECOND!  PERHAPS EVEN INDEFINITELY!”  

“thanks.  it’s not mine, though.”

“YOU ARE LETTING SOMEONE ELSE USE MY–”  The room suddenly shifted.  “SANS!”

“it’s yours.  hey, remember that time you kidnapped me for my own good?  you know i _look up_ to you, and i was, uh, inspired.”  

Grillby was sitting in a chair, sipping a drink nearby.  He raised it and nodded in greeting.  

“YOU!  DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?”

Grillby shrugged and looked away.  

Sans whacked Papyrus on the arm, affectionately.  "hey, remember what i said at the tailor’s?"

It had seemed friendly at the time, but in retrospect Papyrus realized it had been an ironic threat.  

"…your brother worked very hard putting this together, Papyrus," Grillby said.  

Papyrus had been about to start yelling, properly, but stopped short.  "HE DID?”

“…he said that he thinks you’ve been looking worn down.”

“…SANS.   WAS THIS JUST HORRIBLY MISGUIDED CONCERN FOR MY WELL-BEING?”

“uh.”

“WELL, I GUESS IF ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE BETRAYED ME, EVEN IF IT’S BASED ON A MISUNDERSTANDING, I SHOULD TRY NOT TO DISAPPOINT THEM.”  

“…and from now on, maybe you should agree to stop tricking each other,” Grillby suggested.  

“yeah, you’re just saying that because it’s your turn next.”  

“NYEH-HEH-HEH, I BELIEVE YOU ARE RIGHT, BROTHER!  HE PARTICIPATED IN BOTH OUR RUSES, SO WHY ELSE WOULD HE SUDDENLY BE AGAINST THEM?”

“…” Grillby downed the rest of his drink, and when the alcohol hit him, his flame shot up towards the ceiling.  

“…BY THE WAY, WHERE ARE WE?”


	3. Grillby

Grillby had a secret, and Sans was sure he was the only one who had guessed it: _Grillby was lazy._

Not about work, but about anything that wasn’t work.  And he was  _especially_ lazy when it came to things like taking time off or just doing things for fun.

Sans should have guessed it from the way Grillby was never exactly  _against_ going on vacation, but it wasn’t until Sans set it up that it actually happened.  

“hey.  what goes up and never goes down?”

“…what?”  Grillby was being lazy about sitting in front of the TV with Sans and was fussing around his kitchen.  He occasionally came out and stood behind the couch to see what was happening in the movie.  

“your age.  which must be getting up there if you forgot your own birthday.”

“That isn’t for…”  His flames got lower, like he was drooping.  “Oh.”  

“got a hot date planned for it?”  Sans asked, winking.  

“Well, the bar won’t be closed that day.  But if you mean with the kitchen, then, yes.”  

“ok.  what about the next day it _is_ closed?”  

He turned away, distracted by a spot on his oven.  "…I guess."

"look, buddy, you have to give me something to go on, here.”  He had enough energy lately to do _something_ for Grillby’s birthday, but not enough to come up with an idea.  His first thought had been taking Grillby to a dive Sans liked, but he wasn’t sure that screamed  _birthday_.  

“…do I?”

“yup.”

“…”

Sans sipped his drink.  

“…dinner?” Grillby tried.  Sometimes Sans just needed to give him a minute. 

“ok. oh hey, i know.  there’s a great place where they sing and give you free cake if it’s your birthday.”  Sans had gotten so much free cake traveling to different restaurants that offered this, he was probably technically hundreds of years old.

“No.”

“not really revved up about your big day, huh.”  

Grillby came over and sat down next to him on the couch.  "No.“  

"eh.  i won’t make it a big deal.  we’ll go someplace.”  

If Grillby had been looking at him, he would have seen Sans’ eyes suddenly get suspiciously bright.  Turned out he did have an idea, after all.  

Grillby nodded.  "What is that human doing?“ he asked, gesturing at the screen.  It seemed like a clear subject-change gambit.

It was a fantasy movie they were watching for the cheesy CGI skeletons. Grillby hadn’t been paying attention, so Sans just made up something instead of answering the question.  He enjoyed watching Grillby get progressively more confused as the movie went on.  He finally got caught watching Grillby’s face and snickering instead of paying attention to the screen.

"I don’t know why I ever believe a word you say,” Grillby said.  He was trying not to laugh.

“no idea,” Sans said.  

“Maybe I liked your story better.”  

–

“THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING TO BREAK INTO THE BAR WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND THAT MAKES ME THINK WE SHOULD NOT BE HERE, SANS!”  Papyrus’ hands were on his hip bones, and he leaned down to make sure his words were reaching Sans all the way down at his height.  

“nah.  hey, bro.  did i tell you i really like those shoes of yours?”

“WHAT?  DON’T CHANGE THE–AUGH!  THEY ARE VERY NICE, YES, THANK YOU!”  

“looks like you get a great chance to break ‘em in tonight.”

Papyrus stared at him.  "YES?  THAT IS COMPLETELY TRUE?“

” _break_ them _in_?"

"NO!”

“grillbz’s not tossing us in prison for this one, paps.  anyway, he had to know we were paying him back, so he’ll be relieved.  he won’t have that huge weight on his shoulders anymore.”  Papyrus still looked doubtful, so he continued, “anyway, you volunteered.”

“YOU WEREN’T GOING TO DECORATE!”

“i bought some balloons.”

“YOU DIDN’T EVEN PLAN ON INFLATING THEM.”

“i guess you’re mad, bro, but you don’t have to _blow up_ at me about it.”  

Papyrus made a loud, frustrated noise and started taking party decorations out of shopping bags.  Sans mostly sat and supervised.  He kept anyone from hearing what they were doing, so he wasn’t being _completely_ lazy.  

He watched Papyrus put up an enormous banner that spread from one side of the bar to the other.  He started laughing, again.

“ARE YOU ENTIRELY SURE WE DID NOT HAVE A TIME TO GET THEM TO FIX THIS?” Papyrus asked.  

_Happy Birthday Grillbee!_ That was how Sans was writing the Grillbz’s name for the next twenty years, he decided.

“nah.”

Papyrus gave the whole room one last look-over.  He seemed satisfied with his work.  

“hey, it looks good,” Sans said.  He climbed out of his chair and stretched.  

“YOU HAD BETTER SAY THAT AFTER HOW LITTLE YOU HELPED, LAZY BONES,” Papyrus said.  "AND YOU CAN STOP…PAUSING EVERYONE ELSE.  YOU ARE GOING TO GET A HEADACHE AND BE INTOLERABLE IF YOU KEEP DOING THAT.“  

Sans hadn’t realized that Papyrus even noticed.  "ok.”  He rubbed his skull.  "let’s go home." 

Papyrus crossed his arms over his chest.  

"oh yeah.  thanks.  you’re the best bro in the world, helping me out with this.”  

“I KNOW I AM!”  He brightened.  "AT LAST, PAPYRUS WILL HAVE REVENGE FOR BEING TRICKED INTO GOING ON THAT FUN VACATION!"

–-

Loud cheers erupted as Grillby walked into his restaurant.  The space was crowded with people: friends, regulars, and even his niece Fuku Fire and his younger sister.  

"Happy birthday, Grillby!”  

He stood in place, stunned.  Confetti erupted in his face and he was so startled the bits of colorful paper fell towards the ground in flames.  He put them out before they hit the floor.  "…oh,"  he said.  "…thank you?"

Sans slapped him on the back and walked past him, into the bar.  

"grillby says thanks,” Sans said.  

“Sans, this wasn’t you, was it?” Grillby asked, recovering.  He couldn’t imagine Sans putting that much work into something.  

“i didn’t do the bulk of it,” Sans said.  "it was my idea, though.  because, you know.  it was your turn."  He winked.  

The suit-sizing and the vacation.  Of course.  Grillby noticed the huge sign with his name misspelled on it, and flickered in irritation.  Sans was laughing at him. 

There was an even weirder misspelling of his name on the spider cake, but the slice he had was delicious.  He was touched, actually, once he settled down.  There were a few old regulars there who he hadn’t seen in over a year. 

Everyone there had gone out of their way to celebrate his birthday, and he couldn’t be angry about that.  A number of them even stayed behind to clean up so he could open the bar on time.  

Sans sat next to him after everyone insisted Grillby settle down instead of monitoring the cleanup.  

"not so bad, right?” Sans asked.  

“Sans, we’re still going out on my day off, right?” he asked.  

“sure.”

“I thought of a place you can take me.”  He nudged Sans with his elbow.  "Dress nice.“  

"hey. it’s against the rules to get back at me for getting back at you,” Sans said.

“Don’t be ridiculous.  It just happens to be the place I want to go.”

“yeah right.  you got something else you want to try and sell me?”  

“It’s lucky that you already own something you can wear.”

“c'mon. you had a good time.”  

Grillby sighed, and nodded.  Papyrus had a good time on his vacation, too, and Sans had a good time not being murdered by Undyne for dressing poorly on her big day.  "Yes.  But let’s never do this again.“

"all right.”  Sans leaned against him, just for a minute.  "happy birthday, grillbz."

Grillby put his arm around him, half hugged him, and then they both settled separate back into their seats.  "Thank you, Sans.”  


End file.
